


The Best Man

by OtterlyDeerlightful



Series: Lifemates AU [8]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Backstory, Children raising children, Cousins, Gen, Nonbinary Robbie Rotten, family ties, fuck gender roles, parenting is hard, troubled childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-08 09:06:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11643351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtterlyDeerlightful/pseuds/OtterlyDeerlightful
Summary: A short series of scenes from Robbie's life through his cousin Glanni's eyes.





	1. 0

The house wasn’t nearly as run down as he had expected. It was a dump, for sure, but at least the thing was in one piece. What’s a little dirt, wear, and an overgrown lawn if you have a place to sleep? And a place to sleep was exactly what he needed, so he certainly wasn’t one to judge. Glanni was sure his aunt wouldn’t mind him crashing at her place for a bit. And if she did, then he’d hide in the attic or something. Either way, he was going to stay here for a couple of days while he figured out his next move.

He wandered up the walk and the few warped steps to the front door. Might as well try the polite route first. It couldn’t hurt, at least and, who knew, maybe it would even work. Glanni rapped on the door, shifted the strap of his bag on his shoulder, and waited. He could faintly hear _something_ from somewhere inside…someone had to be home, right? He tried again. Glanni sighed, picking at the peeling white paint of the door while he counted off the seconds in his head.

“Minute’s up, I’m coming in,” he mumbled to himself.

He started to reach for his bag in search of something to wedge the door open with one hand while he tried the door with the other. To his surprise, the knob turned.

“Huh. Well, that makes it easy, at least,” Glanni said with a shrug as he headed inside.

The inside of the house was just as worn and dirty as the outside, if not moreso. Oh well, he wasn’t picky. Apparently the noise Glanni had heard was the television playing some mindless daytime show that his aunt wasn’t actually watching. In fact, the woman looked pretty unconscious at the moment.

Glanni leaned on the back of the couch and started down at the drooling woman. Her black hair was splayed out across the cushions below her, giving her the impression of a drunken mermaid. He shook his head at the sad display below him, wondering how she could sleep with her already dwarfed wings crumpled under her like they were. It looked borderline painful.

“Hey. Hey, Aunt Vigdís. _Aunt Vigdís_!” He sighed with a roll of his eyes. “I’m drinking your booze if you don’t wake up, bitch.” No reaction. “Okay, she’s definitely out.” Glanni shrugged. “Welp, guess I live here now.”

Might as well claim a space of his own in this rats nest of a house. The boy readjusted his bag strap again and headed upstairs, floorboards squeaking underfoot the entire way.

“How many TVs does this woman have?” he grumbled to himself.

He’d expected things to get quieter the more space he put between himself and the living room but, to his surprise, it got _louder_. Pained and desperate cries wafted into the hall from one of the rooms down the hall. The boy grumbled and headed toward the noise, intent on fixing the problem. He had come here to try and find somewhere to sleep and he wasn’t going to get any if whatever wailing program stayed on. He approached the half-closed door and shoved it open in aggravation, eyes immediately scanning for the offensive television set. Glanni’s bag dropped to the dusty floor. The boy stood there for a moment, blinking. There was no television in the room. He approached the small crib cautiously, peering over the railing to see the screaming infant laying inside.

The baby was tiny, smaller than Glanni guessed it should have been. And it was almost…thin. A baby shouldn’t be _thin_. Glanni didn’t know much about infants, but he knew the term ‘baby fat’ existed for a reason. The infant paid no mind to its visitor; it screamed at the top of its tiny lungs. A desperate, painful cry that told Glanni more than he needed to know.

“That _bitch_!” the boy hissed under his breath. “That goddamn bitch!” He looked down on the miserable thing with empathetic pity. “Don’t worry, _lítið barn_. I’ll be right back.”

Glanni left, hurrying back down the stairs. Halfway to the door he had a thought and changed course for the kitchen. It didn’t take him much rummaging to find a canister of baby formula, though it did take a bit more searching to find an actual bottle. Glanni followed the directions on the container carefully and soon found himself hurrying back upstairs with a full bottle in tow.

“Ugh, you reek, kid,” the boy grunted as he carefully hoisted up the wailing baby. “How long has she left you like this?” Glanni questioned worriedly as he offered the baby the bottle.

It took a while for the infant to figure out what was being offered to it. Glanni was nervous, wishing that the baby could just latch on, drink, and get better, but he knew things didn’t quite work that way. Or, at all, really. Ever. He just didn’t want the innocent child to get any worse. The poor thing’s limbs were so thin and what little hair was atop its head looked downright brittle. Glanni was a little afraid to touch it in fear he would make them instantaneously bald. And they were so _light_. After what felt like ages—Glanni was sure that the few minutes had taken a couple years off the end of his life—the baby finally wrapped its tiny lips around the nipple and attempted to drink.

“There you go,” Glanni sighed in relief. “Easy…easy, _lítið barn_. You don’t want to throw it all up. Trust me, eat too much when you’re starving and that happens. It’s…not a good time.”

The baby didn’t want to listen to Glanni’s advice, and the child was forced to take away the so-desired bottle to make sure the little body could process what it had already taken. The infant protested and fussed, but eventually began to calm down. Next order of business, then. He set the baby down momentarily.

Glanni pulled a shirt from his backpack and wrapped it around the lower half of his face like a protective mask. He hunted two plastic bags out of the room’s mess and wrapped them around his hands. He readied the half-empty bag of diapers and cheap wipes sitting in the corner and prepared himself. The boy stared at the baby for a good five, maybe ten minutes. He had to do it. The poor thing didn’t deserve to sit in its own filth like that, and who knew how long they had been like that before Glanni arrived. He took a deep breath and approached.

He had known it would be bad—something like this could never be _good_ , after all—but he never expected it to be _so_ horrid. Glanni almost threw up. Multiple times. He threw the sorry excuse for a used diaper out the window to avoid ever having to touch it again. He tried to clean the baby, who was apparently a boy, as best he could, but the babe’s skin was so raw and painful-looking. Not to mention the remnants that seemed to have adhered themselves to the tiny creature. In the end he tossed his bag-gloves out the window as well and took the baby to the nearby bathroom to have a bath in the sink. He had to scrub at the thing for a few minutes before he deemed it clean enough to use, then finally decided it was probably safe enough to remove his mask.

And how the little thing screamed when he tried to bathe it. Glanni had no idea how the baby could still have a voice after all the crying it had been doing since they met, much less before that, but they certainly had a healthy pair of lungs if nothing else. He did his best to calm the little creature through the ordeal, but the baby continued to scream even after it had been patted dry and rediapered. Glanni wasn’t sure how to best treat all of that irritated skin yet, so he did what little he could by placing some cotton around the little thing’s groin and legs. He just hoped it would be enough to help until he found something better. The boy offered the tiny person its bottle again for a short time, then set it back down in its crib. At least it had quieted down again.

Glanni made himself a mental reminder to change the bedding in the poor baby’s crib later, once he had emotionally recovered from what they had both already endured. The baby hiccupped, finally calm, and looked up at Glanni with sleepy eyes.

“Guess you must be my little cousin, huh?”

The baby neither confirmed, nor denied the accusation.

“Sorry for your bad luck being born into this family,” Glanni sighed. “But I guess we can’t help that now, huh?”

Two big grey eyes blinked at him. The blink was quickly followed by a yawn.

“Me too.”

“ _Hey!_ ” came a shout from the hallway. “Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in…wait a minute. God damn! Glanni, is that you?”

The boy groaned and turned around, his eyes narrowing the second the woman came into view. Her hair was still a mess, her shirt was hanging off one shoulder, and her eyes looked anything but focused. One of her small wings twitched lazily behind her as she stood in the doorway.

“ _Hi_ , Aunt Vigdís.”

“Well, shit! Little Glanni, lookit how tall you’ve gotten! You were just a tiny thing last I saw you. How old are you now? What, like, seven?”

“Ten,” Glanni corrected darkly. He clenched his fists at his sides.

“Whatever. Nice to see you again, I guess. Kind of random to find you _in_ my fuckin’ house, but whatever, I guess.”

“Was I tiny as him?”

“Huh?”

Glanni glared at her. “Last time you saw me. I was tiny as _him_?” the boy accused, nodding toward the crib.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Not _that_ tiny, but…yeah. So you’ve met little Robbie, then? I’m surprised he’s not yelling. That little shitter can’t do much but can he ever _scream_.”

“Babies cry when they’re hungry,” Glanni said slowly.

“Yeah and every other hour of the day! How the hell’re you supposed to know what they want?”

“You put in _effort_ ,” the boy said darkly. “He was sitting in his own filth crying from hunger, you stupid bitch! He’s your baby! You’re supposed to take fucking care of him!”

“Hey!” the woman snapped, pointing an accusing finger at the child standing before her. “Do I come into your house and accuse you of not taking care of your hamster or whatever the fuck you kids have? He’s fine, okay?”

“Having shit all over him and having him literally starving _isn’t_ taking care of your goddamn child!” Glanni shot back. “He is _not_ fine!”

“Ugh, you little brat. _Fine_! If I’m doing such a shitty job, why don’t _you_ take care of the little monster? Since you know _all about_ screaming babies.”

Glanni glared at her. “ _Fine!_ I can’t do worse than you! At least with me he’s got a shot at being alive at the end of the week.”

“Whatever, knock yourself out. I don’t give a fuck,” the woman sighed, throwing up her hands. She shook her head and stormed off to her room, slamming the door upon arrival.

The baby had been starting to fuss from all the fighting, but the door slam was the last straw and he started to cry. Glanni tried to hush the infant, picking him up and cradling his cousin against his chest as he swayed back and forth.

“Sorry, Robbie,” he sighed as the baby whined. “Sorry, she’s a bitch. Forget about her. You don’t need her. W-we don’t need her. We don’t need anyone.”

He looked down at the tiny infant in his arms. Robbie stared back at him. Glanni smiled.

“Yeah, that’s it. Nice and quiet.” He sighed. “Fuck her, right? You’ve got me now. And I’m not a shithead like her, don’t worry. I’m gonna take care of you now. I promise. I’m not letting what happened to me happen to you, you got that?”

Robbie made a soft noise as he studied the larger being’s face and the moving hole in the middle that was making sounds at him so quietly.

“That’s right. Cousins gotta stick together, right? ”

Glanni had only planned on staying at the house for a few days. He stayed much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know absolutely nothing about childcare so....hey, Glanni and I are on the same page here, at least.


	2. 5

It had been a good day. Stressful for a while there, maybe, but all in all a good day. Glanni pushed the increasingly rickety front door open with his hip, his arms too occupied with the bags of groceries he was carrying. Prices had gone up again, apparently. Either that, or the store was skimping on its sales more than he had realized. He didn’t like it, but at least there was still a decent amount of money left over after the purchase. At the time, Glanni had questioned if grabbing the extra jewelry set and risking capture had been a good idea or not, but after seeing how pricey the grocer was getting, he knew he had made the right decision. Especially because the authorities _still_ probably hadn’t realized the total of what was missing. That’s what those pricks got for flaunting their wealth and pissing Glanni off.

“Vigdís, this place is a sty!” he shouted as the front door pushed on a pile of clothes left in the entranceway. “Pick up your shit!”

A soft moan came from the living room and Glanni rolled his eyes.

“Don’t gimme that. You’re cleaning up your garbage. What are you, an animal?”

“Shut up, Glanni, I’m not in the mood.”

“You’re never in the mood,” the young man grunted as he slammed the door behind him with a swift kick of the leg. Something outside fell with a muffled crash. “Need to fix the shutters, too, by the way.”

“Get bent, dickwad.”

Glanni rolled his eyes and headed to the kitchen, where he set the bags of groceries down and took out a black marker. He labeled each item as he put it away, dating each and noting how much was in each box and bag. Vigdís walked in as he was finishing up the last couple of boxes. She squinted at him in digust as she shuffled across the floor and took a seat at the small folding table shoved in the corner.

“You’re still on with that?” she grumbled as she cradled her aching head in her hand.

“If you try and steal any of my Robbie’s food again I’ll shove a watermelon up your ass and break your neck, you got that?” the teenager asked without looking up from his work.

“ _Jesus_ , Glanni! I carried his sorry ass around for nine months and finally managed to push the bastard out after fucking ten hours of _hell_ , and I can’t even have a goddamn _juice box_? I’m a grownass adult, Glanni. You better show me some fuckin’ respect. I have a right to that food, too!”

He stopped, trying to steady his breathing as he studied the stained countertop. Anything to keep himself from snapping. It wasn’t working.

“Just because he came out of _your_ taint doesn’t mean he’s a fucking doll you can just play with whenever you want and throw in the corner when you’re sick of him!” Glanni shouted, whipping around to glare at the scowling woman. “You might’ve given birth to him, but you’re no _mother_ , so you can shut your fucking mouth.” He grabbed an old, nearly-empty box and threw it at her disgusting face. “You want something, then eat your damn cereal and leave us the hell alone.”

“Hey!” she cried, shielding herself from the box. It bounced off her arm and spilled on the floor.

Glanni showed her a matching pair of middle fingers and backed out of the kitchen with a huff. He growled, kicking over a dining room chair and stomping up the stairs, Vigdís was still screaming something at him from the kitchen below. Fuck her.

He sighed, brushing a long lock of hair back behind his ear. He hated how it felt; it just wasn’t right. He really needed to pick up some conditioner. He thought he could go a few days without it but he had been so very wrong. At least he was home now, a good day of work under his belt, and he actually _had_ the money for that conditioner. He let out a long breath and opened the bedroom door.

“ _Ahhh!_ ”

“What!” Glanni jumped, immediately on the defense and prepared to flee from any potential danger.

Robbie looked up at him in terror, eyes as big as saucers. A giant blue splotch of color took up half his brows. His lips and cheeks were blindingly red, and his forehead was streaked with a pale paste. He dropped the makeup brush in his shaking hand. He moved to get up, only to knock a few bottles of nail polish to the floor as well.

“Oh no!” the little boy cried, despite well knowing all the bottles in question were still tightly secured. “Oh no, I’m sorry! Don’t be mad, Glanni, please!”

Glanni stood in the doorway and blinked. It was all he could do for the moment. He watched the small child fumble with his things, trying to set everything straight again. Robbie whined with a trembling lip and Glanni realized that he was about to cry.

“Hey, hey…Gumdrop, it’s okay,” Glanni  cooed as he closed the door behind him. “It’s alright, don’t be turning on the water works. I can’t pay the bill!”

Robbie sniffled and looked up at his cousin in shame. “You’re…you’re not mad?” the boy ventured hesitantly.

Glanni rolled his eyes, striding over and sitting down on the floor next to the boy and his makeshift vanity, which was little more than a board propped up by a few old boxes with a mirror hung in front of it. The teenager offered the little boy a gentle smile.

“Why would I be mad at my little Sugar Cube?”

Robbie studied an old stain in the carpet and gave a shrug. Glanni poked him in the ribs and the boy recoiling with an automatic giggle.

“What’s wrong, Little Robbie?”

The boy shrugged again. “Mom used your makeup once and you got so mad…”

Oh no.

“No, no. Oh, come here,” Glanni sighed as he grabbed his little cousin around his middle and pulled the young child into his lap. “Your mom’s a bitch, okay? She’s not allowed to touch any of my things and she knows it. I got mad at her because she’s awful. You’re the exact _opposite_ of awful, _litli minn_. We’re a team, right?”

Robbie smiled and nodded. “Yeah.”

Glanni smiled and kissed the little boy’s makeup-encrusted cheek to make the child giggle again. “I could never ever be mad at you like that, not ever, alright?” He hugged Robbie gently to emphasize his point. “I just wish you’d have told me you wanted to use my makeup. I can show you how, you know. I’m a professional, after all.”

The little boy’s eyes practically sparkled. “Really? You’ll show me?”

“Oh course! What kind of cousin would I be if I didn’t?” Glanni asked in feigned offense.

He tickled the little boy’s middle, sending the child into a fit of giggles and squeals. At least Robbie seemed to be feeling better now. Glanni gave him a hug and another kiss before setting the boy down in front of him. The young man couldn’t help but laugh.

“Okay, first things first, let’s get you cleaned up,” Glanni laughed as he looked at his little cousin’s colorful appearance. He grabbed a wipe from the small container on the vanity and began to gently wipe the boy’s face. “Remember, Cupcake: you want to look like a _god_ , not a clown. A little subtlety goes a long way.”

“What’s subble tea?” Robbie asked curiously.

Glanni grinned. “Putting on just a _little bit_ of makeup can look a whole lot better than using a lot,” he explained. “It’s a great trick.”

“Like magic?”

He laughed. “Yeah, a bit like magic.”

“Like what you can do!” Robbie added proudly as his chubby cheeks were wiped clean. “Do you think I’ll be able to do magic some day?”

“Of _course_ I do, Sweetie Pie. “Who knows, maybe you can do magic _right now_.”

“ _Really?_ ”

“Maybe. We can try and see later, okay? One thing at a time, and right now we’re learning how to look gorgeous.”

Robbie giggled as his older cousin threw the used wipe away. The two settled in, facing each other, though Robbie was eager to get a glance at the mirror at every possible opportunity. Glanni named and explained every tube, powder, and brush as he used them. The boy soaked up the information like an eager, giant-eyed sponge.

Foundation, blush, the perfect shade of lipstick, and finally, Robbie’s favorite part…eye shadow.

“Your eyes are always so pretty,” the boy rambled as Glanni applied the color the child had picked out as his favorite. “I want my eyes to be just like yours!”

Glanni smiled softly as he worked. “I do look pretty amazing,” he agreed. “But who knows, maybe you’ll look even better. You’re learning from the best, and there’s only room for improvement,” he pointed out. “And…there. Take a peek, Sugar Stick.”

Robbie blinked a few times before looking in the mirror. He gasped, staring in silent awe for a minute. Glanni beamed, taking in the little one’s excitement.

“I look so pretty!” Robbie cried excitedly, standing up so he could lean closer to the mirror for a better look. He squealed and jumped up and down before crying “Thank you, Glanni! Thank you, thank you, _thank you!_ ”

“ _Oomph!_ ” the teen breathed as a tiny body collided with his chest. “I take it that means you like it,” he chucked as he returned Robbie’s hug.

“I love it! Thank you so much! I look as cool as you now!”

“You always look cool, Little Cupcake,” he laughed in response. “Now, I saw you’d been eyeing that nail polish. You want your nails done, too?”

Robbie gasped and nodded. “Yeah!”

Glanni rolled his eyes and ruffled the little boy’s hair. “Then pick a color, Jellybean.”

Robbie considered his options before picking a small bottle of violet polish. Glanni could only smile as the little boy splayed his fingers and let Glanni paint his nails for him. Robbie looked like he could barely sit still, but managed to at least keep his hands steady enough for his cousin to work.

“Purple is definitely your color,” Glanni noted. “And now your nails will match that gorgeous eye shadow of yours.”

The little boy giggled.

Glanni continued to work and Robbie watched.

“Glanni?” Robbie asked after a short silence.

“Hmm?”

“Are you sure this is okay?” asked a small voice.

Glanni finished the last little nail he was working on and looked up. He didn’t like the worry that suddenly hung in the child’s eyes.

“What do you mean, Candy Cane?”

“…This,” Robbie mumbled.

“The purple? I just told you—it’s gorgeous. It’s your color, Sweetie.”

“N-no, I mean…” He sighed. “Wearing makeup.”

Glanni frowned. “ _Of course_ it’s okay! What’s wrong, Little Robbie? Why so glum all of a sudden?”

The boy shrugged. “I dunno. It’s just…Mom said it was weird for guys to wear makeup. And…and that one time we went to the park those ladies thought you were a girl, and…”

Glanni tilted the boy’s chin up so he would look at him. Robbie looked so worried it was heartbreaking. He needed to set this straight quickly.

“Okay, Sweetheart. This is important, so you need to listen, okay?”

Robbie did his best to nod against Glanni’s hand.

“Now, I have a question for you. What do you think is wrong about boys wearing makeup?”

“Well, girls wear makeup and…”

“Is that bad?”

“Well…no,” Robbie mumbled, suddenly unsure of himself.

“Cupcake, what do you think is wrong about makeup? Not what _other people_ say. What do _you_ think about it?”

Glanni leaned his elbows on his knees as the child considered the question. After a while, Robbie gave a nervous shrug.

“Nothing. I…I think it’s pretty.”

Glanni slapped his own leg, gesturing to the black skinny jeans he was wearing. “What about these?”

Robbie gave him a look. “Pants?

“Yeah! Is it weird for boys to wear pants?”

“No!”

“What about girls?”

“No!” Robbie laughed. “Everybody wears pants!”

Glanni smiled. “Because they’re just clothes, right?”

His little cousin nodded.

“Well, if clothes are just clothes and don’t mean you’re a boy or a girl…what about dresses?”

Robbie had seen his cousin wear dresses plenty of times. Same with some of the girls he would play with at the park. Sometimes those same girls wore pants. The boy shook his head.

“I dunno. I guess it’s the same thing.”

“ _Exactly!_ ” Glanni said proudly. “What we put _on_ our bodies doesn’t change who or what we are, right? If that’s how it is for clothes, how come it’s any different for makeup?”

Robbie considered this idea. That made sense.

“But…but what about when people think you’re a girl?” he questioned.

Glanni shrugged. “What about it? Does that _make_ me a girl?”

Robbie giggled. “No.”

“So what’s so wrong about people thinking I’m a girl?”

“…Nothing, I guess.”

“Would you be upset if someone thought _you_ were a girl?”

Robbie thought through the scenario carefully. “…No.”

“Even though you’re a boy?”

Robbie was silent for a moment, then gave a noncommittal shrug. Glanni was curious.

“...Do you _feel_ like a boy, little Marshmallow?” he questioned carefully.

Robbie shrugged. “I dunno. I guess so? Mostly? I like playing with girls more,” he admitted. “Is that okay?”

“Of course that’s okay,” Glanni said with a smile. “You can be anything you want to be, my Little Robbie. So long as you’re you.”

The child smiled at that. “So...do _you_ feel like a boy, then?” he asked his cousin. “Even though you do a lot of girl stuff like makeup and dresses?”

Glanni nodded. “I do.”

“Even though mom says makeup’s only for girls?”

He rolled his eyes. “Mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about, remember? She’s a—”

“B-word,” Robbie finished with a giggle. “Right?”

“Right,” Glanni laughed. “Only stupid people like her ever have a problem with it, so never pay attention to them. And good boy not swearing.” He paused. “Do you mind my calling you ‘boy’ or would you like me to call you something else?”

Robbie tossed up his hands and shrugged. “I dunno. Boy’s okay…I guess I’m kinda a boy…mostly a boy?”

“It’s okay not to know exactly how much of whatever you are, but if you don’t mind ‘boy,’ then I’ll stick with that. If you ever want me to call you something else, you just let me know, okay Lollipop?”

“Okay!”

“Now, back to business then...so you like it, huh? Everything’s okay?” Glanni asked, gesturing toward the mirror. “With the nails too, now,” he clarified.

Robbie glanced at himself in the mirror again and smiled anew. “I really _really_ like it!” He looked down at his hands and wiggled his newly colorful fingers excitedly. “You’re the best cousin _ever_!”

“Well that I already knew,” Glanni laughed. “And I like how it looks, too. You’re very good at picking out colors, Robbie. Hmm...but there’s just one problem with it.”

Robbie looked up at his cousin in abrupt dismay. “Wh-what?”

“We’re the only ones seeing it!” he cried, throwing his arms out wide. “We have to fix that! What do you say we take one pretty Cupcake down to get some ice cream? So everyone in town can be jealous.”

The child gasped, his eyes wide and smile even wider. “ _Yeah!_ Yeah, let’s do that! Please! Please, can we go?” he begged, bouncing up and down.

“Only if you get your shoes on.”

Robbie cried out in delight and jumped to his feet, racing into the hallway and down the stairs. Glanni shook his head and laughed. He made sure his own makeup was still alright, brushed back his hair, and got to his feet just as he heard Robbie calling to him to hurry up. He probably had enough money for ice cream _and_ conditioner.


	3. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have taken some liberties with the AU's timeline and some of the characters...so yes, those nightmarish colors are correct.

“I have returned!” Glanni shouted, arms wide. “ _And_ I come bearing gifts!” he cried with a bow, stepping aside to reveal an overly fuzzy orange monstrosity of a recliner. A pair of bright black-and-pink wings, comparable to a giant butterfly, fluttered behind him to bring further extravagance to the occasion.

Robbie looked up from where he was laying on the air mattress in the middle of the room. He made a face at the spectacle before him.

“That is the ugliest chair I’ve ever seen in my life,” the boy commented.

Glanni laughed and folded his wings behind him, leaning on the garish piece of furniture. “I know, isn’t it? I didn’t even have to steal it! The guy was going to throw it out. _Brand new_ , Robbie! Just because it’s a little… _garish_.”

“So it’s a reject chair?” the boy laughed. “Perfect, it’ll fit right in,” he joked.

“So, where do you want this masterpiece?”

Robbie shrugged, glancing around the empty void of a room. “I dunno. In the middle, I guess. Not like there’s anywhere else to put anything yet.”

Glanni dragged the chair across the floor, his wings beating now and again from the effort. Robbie jumped up to help him. Together they were able to move the ugly thing with ease. They both stood back and stared at it. Yep, it sure was orange. Very orange. Robbie didn’t realize something could look so orange. The boy hopped onto the plush cushion. Well, at least it was comfortable and soft.

“I thought you deserved a little housewarming present,” Glanni said with a smile as he watched the boy bounce on the chair a bit and try to find the most comfortable position.

“But we’ve been here like a week already,” Robbie said.

“Belated housewarming present, then. It’s just one chair, but one has to start somewhere.”

Robbie smiled at that. Starting. They were finally on their own. The only way for them to go now was up and things were going to be wonderful from here on out! Robbie laughed, needing some way to release the joy that suddenly bubbled up inside of him. He looked up at his cousin, jumped from his chair, and ran over to hug him.

“Thanks, Glanni. I love it.”

He felt the man ruffled his hair. Robbie usually hated when he did that, but right now he didn’t mind too much.

“So, shall we unpack?”

“Unpack?” Robbie asked, looking up curiously.

Glanni winked, leaving his little cousin’s arms and climbing up the ladder to the entrance to their new home. Robbie stared after him curiously. He started to follow when the call of “ _Incoming!_ ” gave him pause. Robbie jumped with a shout as a box came flying down the chute and landed with a thud before him. Another smaller box came crashing down on top of it a few seconds later. A third appeared, and Glanni followed a short moment later, landing on the pile with a smile.

“ _Ta-da!_ ”

Robbie approached the pile as Glanni flashed his wings and slid down from his perch. The boy pulled back a box flap and peered inside. His eyes flew wide as he reached in and snatched up the tiny purple blanket waiting inside. It was incredibly small for what it was, just a bit of square of fabric with the image of a cow sewn on like it had been thought of at the last minute, but Robbie loved it and he hadn’t been sure that he would ever see it again.

“My blankie! Glanni, you…oh my gosh you went back to the house?” he asked in sudden worry as he hugged the blanket to his chest.

“Of course I did, Sugar Lump. I couldn’t have your mother trying to lay claim to all your things, could I? What kind of cousin would I be if I let something like that happen?”

“Did Mom give you any trouble?” Robbie asked worriedly, squinting as he started inspecting Glanni’s face.

“I’m _fine_ ,” the young man insisted with a sigh. “You don’t need to look for bruises. That bitch is a pushover if she’s drunk. She’s just a big baby who wanted to throw a fit because her days of being a bully and stealing lunches came to an end. She can figure out how to get her own damn life together now. You never have to see her again, Cupcake.”

Robbie smiled at that.

“Thanks for getting my stuff, Glanni…”

“Oh _pisshhh_ ,” he said with a wave of his hand. “I worked hard on that blanket! You think I was going to let _her_ have it? Besides, I doubt she’d even know how to _hold_ your tools, much less how to use them for anything. You deserve your own things, Sweetie Pie, not her. She doesn’t get a damn thing. Now come on. Let’s turn this little bunker into a home, huh?”

The two set to work. They pulled everything out of their boxes and dropped things into piles: what was Robbie’s, what was Glanni’s, and what were the miscellaneous things Glanni had managed to grab that really didn’t belong to either of them but both were happy enough to have at this disposal. The bunker didn’t have a lot in it, but did have at least have three rooms off of the main hub. One was already in the process of being turned into a fully-functional bathroom. The others were being converted into a bathroom and what would eventually be a kitchen. It was going to take a lot of time to turn the place into a home, but with Robbie’s blossoming talent for construction and invention, Glanni had no doubt the place would look spectacular in no time.

It was kind of amazing, really. Glanni didn’t know who squirted their seed into Vigdís’ taint a decade earlier, but for once it must have been a decent choice, because little Robbie was absolutely brilliant. The boy had only sporadically been to an actual school, but Glanni was convinced that the boy didn’t need it anyway. He had always supplied his cousin with workbooks and other education-oriented material instead, and the boy tore through them like they were child’s play. Whatever grade he was _supposed_ to be in, Glanni knew the boy was already a few years ahead of his peers. And he was talented, to boot! He swore Robbie could fix anything. Or build it from scratch, for that matter. He was always tinkering with _something_ to keep his mind occupied and all Glanni could do was marvel at the intellect behind it.

“So, how was my little Sugarplum’s day?” Glanni asked as he hung his old mirror on the bedroom wall. It had gained a few cracks in the corners, but it had been nothing a little tape and glue couldn’t fix. “Make any friends yet?”

Robbie shrugged as he folded some clothes to stick in the little closet. “I tried. Everyone’s super loud and…I dunno. I don’t think I fit in very well but…but that’s okay. Oh, and this guy came to town yesterday, too. He says he’s a hero or something. He was trying to get everyone to run around and play really loud and it was kind of awful…they even stole my cannon for him! I was gonna use it for this awesome plan, but they found me working on it and decided it was just the _best_ thing for the guy to get mail up in his little floaty airplane thing!” he pouted.

Glanni stiffened, barely hearing any of the boy’s complaints about his invention. “What’s he look like?”

Robbie shrugged. “Like a weirdo.”

“No, really,” the young man asked, turning to look at his little cousin. “What’s he look like?”

Robbie wasn’t quite sure how to read the look in Glanni’s eyes. The urgency there made him a little uncomfortable. He swallowed.

“Uh…I dunno, dopey hat, wears a lot of brown. He has this number nine thing written on his chest for some reason. Kind of random, if you ask me. Why?”

Glanni visibly relaxed. He let go of the breath he was holding and turned back to his work, fishing for something else to put away. He was well aware of Robbie’s eyes gluing themselves to the back of his head and he needed to say something.

“Good,” the man mumbled a little too quickly. “You should stay away from him, Robbie. Heroes are nothing but trouble. You hear me?”

There was a pause before a small “Okay,” came from behind him. “Well…I dunno how much _trouble_ he is, but he was pretty darn pushy and I didn’t really like him. I don’t think he liked me much either. I swear he kept giving me the stink eye. It was like he was waiting for us all to screw up somehow.”

Glanni didn’t like the sound of that. He didn’t like it at all. There was a hero in Lazy Town. And they had met with his little Robbie. And he hadn’t even known. Anything could have happened, and Glanni would have been none the wiser until it was too late. He shuddered at the thought.

His run-ins so far with these so-called heroes had not been…favorable. At best, the hero could have been called annoying, a man with obvious tunnel vision as he had tried to force a new regime upon all those he had met, all under the guise of healthful living. But, at worst, the hero could have been called overbearing…borderline terrifying, in a way. He had chased Glanni. No one had ever kept pace with him like that, able to find him even with his teleportation and shadow-hopping. It was…unnerving. He had been arrested before, sent to prison, but he had never felt _hunted_ before. Blue and green had haunted his nightmares ever since.

“Glanni? You okay?” came a concerned voice, breaking through the man’s troubling train of thought.

He blinked a few times and glanced over at his worried-looking cousin. Glanni swallowed and approached the boy, squatting down and taking Robbie’s hands. The sudden behavior clearly did not help the boy relax in the slightest, but Glanni seemed oblivious to that right now.

“You ignore everything that hero says, okay, Peppermint?” Glanni asked quietly, eyes locked on Robbie’s. “He gives you any trouble you come home, or you hide. You just get away from him, understand?”

Robbie nodded slowly, clearly afraid now.

“Good.”

Glanni leaned in and kissed the boy’s forehead. Usually Robbie teased him for things like that, told him he was too old for lovey-dovey displays of affection, even in private, but the boy didn’t comment on it this time. Glanni sighed and opened his arms.

“Come here, my little Lollipop.”

He wrapped his arms around his younger cousin, squeezing the boy tightly against him.

“Are you okay, Glanni?” the boy asked again.

The fae sighed and held the child at arm’s length. He pretended not to hear the boy’s question.

“Robbie, you listen to me, okay?”

“Uh…okay.”

“Never _ever_ change who you are for anyone but yourself. Not for _anyone_. Not me, not your friends, not some flippy-floppy goodie two-shoes hero. No one. Do you understand?”

“I…uh, yeah.”

“Promise me you won’t change for anyone.”

Robbie blinked in surprise, still very confused about everything that was going on. They had _just_ been unpacking.

“ _Promise me, Cupcake._ ”

“I promise, Glanni.”

“Good,” the young man sighed before pulling the boy in for another hug. “I love you, my little Gumdrop.”

Robbie held his cousin, clearly knowing something was wrong but not knowing how to address it.

Glanni let out a long breath before putting on a new smile and sitting back. “So, what else has been going on while I was off battling the dragon?”

“Dragon?”

“Mom.”

Robbie giggled and let out an awkward snort. “Oh, um...well, I made this really neat robot thing. It’s really cool. Its back opens up so you can keep snacks in it, and it’s made out of a toaster so you can cook stuff, too. I can’t figure out the AI stuff yet, but it’s still handy anyway.”

“Really?” Glanni asked with a proud smile. “That sounds amazing. Keep it under wraps for now and put It in the science fair,” he laughed. “I want to see this thing. Where is it?”

“Oh, uh...it’s back in the main room.”

“Then lead the way. You’re the engineer here,” Glanni said as he got up.

Robbie nodded and lead the way. Glanni followed just behind and tried to suppress the worry still fluttering in his chest.


	4. 15

Glanni looked around at the utter mess that surrounded him. Used dishes were scattered everywhere, half-finished contraptions lay about the floor and across the card table, partially-sewn articles of clothing in heaps across the length of the main room. It was like a tornado had ripped through the place and somehow grouped half of the debris by type somewhere along the way. But he certainly doubted that was what had happened. He fought his way to the kitchen, finding that the room was starting to look more like a storage unit with everything piled on the floor and counters. He set his bag of groceries down and turned back to the main room in search of his little cousin.

“Robbie!” he called as he stepped over what looked like it might one day be some sort of winter coat if it were ever finished. “What _is_ this mess? Where _are_ you?”

He was not treated to an answer so much as an oblivious snort from somewhere nearby.

“Robbie?” Glanni asked as he looked over the back of the bright orange chair sitting in the middle of tornado alley.

The boy—young man, now, really—was curled up in the chair dead asleep, mouth hanging open and one arm dangling near the floor. Well, that limb was certainly going to be numb when he got up. Which was going to be right now because Glanni was never one for patience.

“Wake up, Gumdrop,” he sang, shaking the teenager’s shoulder. “Wakey wakey, Glanni’s home and he needs praise and admiration for being amazing.”

Robbie jolted awake, blinking for a few seconds in a daze. He looked around in confusion for a moment more before finally glancing up. Even then, it took the sleep a minute to fall from his eyes so he could recognize his cousin staring down at him.

“Glanni!”

“The one and only,” the fae laughed. “How’s my little Cupcake been do—”

“Why are you here?”

Now it was Glanni’s turn to look dumbfounded. That reaction had not been what he had been expecting, and the scowl on the young man’s face let him know that, for some reason, he was in serious trouble. Still, he tried to save face as best he could.

“Is that any way to greet your beloved cousin?” Glanni asked with a pout.

Robbie just continued to glare at him.

He sighed, shoulders falling and eyes rolling. “Okay, _fine_. What did I do? You can’t get mad at me for trashing the house because we both know it was like this before I got here! …You should clean it up, by the way. Parental scolding and all that.”

That was not the right thing to say.

“You’re gone for a _month_ , you come home, and the first thing you do is tell me to _clean my room_?” Robbie snapped. “No. No, I don’t think so, Glanni!” Robbie rolled out of the chair and pointed an accusing finger at the confused-looking fae. “Where the heck _were_ you?” he demanded.

A month? He had been gone a whole month? Glanni quickly tried to run through his recent escapades for an estimate. Oh shit.

“I didn’t…” was all Glanni could manage for a minute as he realized why his cousin was so—rightfully—upset with him. “Robbie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“You’re _sorry_?” the teen laughed. “You’re sorry you went and forgot about me?”

“Hey, now, I never—!”

“You forgot to come home and see if I was okay, isn’t that the same thing?” Robbie yelled. “I’m stuck at home alone while you’re out partying in some city somewhere and having sex with anything that moves!”

Glanni frowned. “That’s _enough_.”

Robbie rolled out of the chair and pointed at the fae, shooting him a look of death.

“No! No, you like hearing yourself talk all the time, but right now _I’m_ talking. I don’t like being stuck here wondering if you’re even alive or dead out there! I worry about you and you never seem to _care_. I don’t care if you bring home presents or a pizza or…or whatever! That doesn’t make up for the fact that I’m _stuck_ here and I can’t even talk to you and find out if you’re okay!”

Glanni swallowed. “I know…it’s not fair to you, but I need to go. It’s…it’s _work_ ,” he cried, unsure what else to call his questionable life choices. “I’m a _criminal_ , Robbie. I deal with _gangs_ , I have police chasing me half the time…I don’t want you in the middle of all that. I can’t afford for you to get—”

“I can handle myself, Glanni! I’m better than you think I am! Just because I don’t have stupid wings like you doesn’t mean I can’t use magic. I can _help_. I can _do_ things. You just need to give me a chance!”

Glanni’s spine straighten. “No.”

“What do you mean ‘no’?” Robbie spat.

“I mean _no_ ,” the fae hissed. “You are _not_ going to end up like me, Robbie. I _promised_ you that you would never end up with the life I’ve had and that is one promise I _will not_ break, you hear me?” he shouted. “I need you here, and I need you safe, even if it’s with that flippy-hippity stupid hero.”

“He’s _gone_ , Glanni!”

“What?”

Robbie let out a sigh of frustrating, grabbing at his hair. “He’s _gone_! That stupid Number Nine guy has been gone for _ages_ now! I clogged up the mail cannon myself to make sure they couldn’t call him back! You just never listen or pay attention to _know_ any of that! Because you’re _never here_! You’d know what’s going on if you actually came home once in a while!”

Glanni stood there. His mouth worked, but no sound would come out. What was there to say to that? The hero had come without his knowledge and, apparently, also gone without him as well. How long was ‘ages,’ exactly? Just because he _thought_ about Robbie every day didn’t mean the boy knew that. And thinking didn’t seem to do an awful lot of good if this was the result.

“That’s what I thought,” Robbie spat darkly at Glanni’s lack of response.

The teen stalked off toward the lair entrance, already climbing the ladder before his cousin spun around and called out to him to wait.

“Robbie, please, come back. Let’s talk about this.”

“You’ve talked enough, I’m going out.”

_BANG!_

Glanni sighed, sinking into the fluffy chair now that he was alone. He set his elbows on his knees and covered his face like that would somehow shield him from the world for a little while. He should be angry. Part of him _was_ , though mostly that was just directed at himself. Robbie was right. The boy was right, and it made Glanni feel physically ill. He _had_ left him. Oh, gods, he had left Robbie to fend for himself. He was no better than Vigdís.

He was just another Vigdís.

He should have brought little Robbie to an orphanage the day he met him. Did they even have orphanages anymore? There were so many people out there who could have done a better job raising the boy than Glanni. Robbie never grew wings; he could have fit in with a purely human family just fine! So many what ifs and maybes floated around in his head. Glanni really _should_ have given up Robbie a long time ago, found a better life for him...but he hadn’t. And, if he were completely honest, even if he could go back in time he never could. Glanni loved Robbie too much to give him up. Maybe he was just too selfish.

“Oh, I’ve failed at this, too,” he moaned to the empty bunker.

Robbie was far from the helpless baby he was when Glanni first laid eyes on him, but he was still a child. A teenager, yes, but still a child. _Hell_ , Glanni was marching through his twenties and he still felt like a child himself when he sat still long enough to think. And that’s what he was doing right now. But Robbie didn’t need a frightened child pretending they knew everything; he needed an adult who would be there for him. Who wouldn’t abandon him. Who cared.

Glanni cared. Maybe too much, sometimes.

He needed to do better, for Robbie’s sake. Glanni sighed, looking up again and taking a glance around the room. Well, at least he had somewhere to start. Pity party was over, no time for one of those right now. He had a bunker to clean.

It took a while to organize the mess, and nearly an hour to cook up a decent dinner after that. Robbie still hadn’t returned. Glanni set the little table with matching dinner plates. He stared at them for a few minutes, thinking, wondering to himself. He needed a way to fix this. Or, at least _begin_ to fix this. Glanni’s wings twitched behind him. He stalked off toward the bedroom, knowing the room had a lock on the door, at least. This was going to take some time, and it was going to hurt a lot. He didn’t need Robbie to come home and see it.

The teenager finally came home some time later, though the look on his face made it clear that he wasn’t happy about it. Glanni looked up from where he sat at the table and waved for his cousin to join him. Both plates were still waiting and untouched. Between them, though, stood what looked like an enormous mound in the vague shape of a cat-sized cupcake. Robbie raised an eyebrow at it.

“Are you still angry?”

Robbie frowned and nodded.

“Fair enough. Well, come on, dinner’s been waiting. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Mad or not, you should eat.”

Robbie looked suspiciously at Glanni, wary of the too-calm invitation, but quietly walked over and sat down. He stared at the giant cupcake creation silently for a moment, taking in the sight of the purple frosting and white writing.

_Sorry I’m a shit parent. I’ll try to be better. I love you, Cupcake._

Glanni couldn’t bring himself to look up at Robbie. He still felt too guilty to allow himself to see the boy’s reaction. Especially if the gesture didn’t help. Instead, he cupped his hands over his food as his stomach growled in anticipation.

“ _Hita_ ,” he mumbled quietly, letting the energy flow from his palms.

Glanni finally forced himself to look up at his cousin. He nodded toward Robbie’s plate.

“Do you want me to…?”

Robbie shook his head, his expression unreadable. “Uh, n-no. I can do it,” he mumbled before copying Glanni’s actions.

The man smiled with pride as he watched a gentle steam begin to rise from Robbie’s plate.

“I’m sorry, Robbie,” Glanni started, voice soft. “I shouldn’t have been gone that long, especially without any sort of communication. I have my reasons for leaving like I do, but…but you were entirely right in how horribly I’ve gone about doing things. And I’m very sorry. I never wanted to make you feel unwanted or unloved…”

“Mostly just felt lonely,” the teen interrupted gently. “And worried about you.”

Glanni swallowed. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I keep wondering if I’ll never see you again.”

“I’m sorry.” Glanni sighed. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I’ve made a lot of mistakes trying to raise you. I always wanted the best for you, Gummy Bear, but…I guess sometimes I don’t know what that is. I just know I don’t want you ending up like me.”

“I turned out okay,” Robbie mumbled defensively.

“I know.”

The two ate in silence for a few minutes, both doing little more than picking at their food. Robbie kept glancing up at the cake, but Glanni pretended not to notice.

“I actually have a confession to make,” Glanni said suddenly. “I never lived on a farm.”

Robbie frowned, unsure where his cousin was going with this. “Okay…” He gave Glanni a look. “Then…how come you used to tell me all those stories…?”

“Well, I wasn’t telling the truth, so it’s safe to assume I was lying to you,” the fae mumbled, too ashamed to look up from the noodles he was pushing around with his fork. “My mother wanted to live on a farm. We would talk about all the things we wanted to do when we finally got a home in the country, made up silly adventures we could have, the animals we would get. We basically created our own fantasy land together. It might not have been real, but it was real enough to let us escape there from time to time and pretend reality didn’t exist.

“After…” _my step-father killed her_ “…she died, I left home, and I met you. I couldn’t get you out of there, so…I tried to recreate that fantasy farm with you. So you could have an escape, too. First your blanket, then the toys, and the stories…” He smiled. “You loved those stories, especially the ones about the calves…” Glanni tried to keep his lip from trembling.

Robbie watched his cousin quietly. Robbie looked a bit uncomfortable, but mostly concerned. He swallowed nervously, waiting for Glanni to compose himself.

“So, wh-when we managed to get our hands on this place, I was determined to make it as close to that fantasy as possible, even if we couldn’t _really_ escape to that farm. _This_ was supposed to be our farm. Where we could be free from all the bullshit.”

Robbie looked a bit sad. “So I guess that’s why you insisted we paint that cow for the billboard?” he asked.

Glanni smiled slightly. “I _suggested_. You were the one who got all excited and named it Petunia.”

Robbie chucked a bit. “Oh yeah…forgot about that.”

There was silence again, if only for a moment.

“My point is,” Glanni sighed at last, “I love you, Robbie. You’re my little Cupcake, always have been. I…may have fucked up…a lot…along the way. A whole lot. But I always had the best of intentions. I know you’re smart. You’re _brilliant_ , and you’re strong and so talented…that’s why I don’t want you involved in what I do. Villainy is one thing, but what I do sometimes…the people I deal with. I don’t want them hurting you. They’re the kind of people that would hurt you _just_ to hurt me and you deserve better than that. And I can’t live knowing that I could put you in harm’ way like that.

“You deserve the _world_ , Lollipop. Even if I can’t actually give it to you. I just want to get you as close to that ‘best’ as I can get. I’m sorry if I haven’t delivered on it very well. _But_ , I know I need to do better by you. I don’t want you to feel so lonely…or ignored, or worried, or unwanted. Never again. Now, I…I know this doesn’t solve everything, but I have something that I think might help a little bit.”

Glanni pulled his chair around the side of the table, abandoning his dinner to sit beside his cousin. Robbie leaned back just a bit, unsure what to expect from the man. Glanni smiled and pulled a small object from his pocket. An orb sat snugly in the fae’s palm. It looked like it was made of glass, clear and shining and perfect. Inside was filled with a shimmering, swirling mass of pink. If Robbie didn’t know any better he would have said it was almost fluttery in its fluid movements. The teenager clearly didn’t know what he was looking at, but he was fascinated.

“I’m sorry for not being here when you needed me,” Glanni said quietly as he gently placed the orb into his cousin’s hands. “But now maybe I can be. I can at least _try_. You are the most important thing in the world to me, Robbie. I need you to know that.”

The boy looked down at the strange, pink object in his hands.

“What is it?”

“It’s…somewhere between a postman and a telephone,” he summarized. “Here,” he said as he reached for Robbie’s unused spoon sitting on the table.

He waved it over the small orb and tapped it against the smooth surface. The pink light within grew and pulsed for a second before there was a faint flash of light and the spoon disappeared from Glanni’s hand. Robbie blinked. Before he could ask where the utensil went, he was interrupted by a quiet popping sound. The spoon reappeared in mid-air, falling and hitting Glanni in the head.

“ _Ow!_ Hey! Stupid magic…ugh,” the fae grumbled, rubbing his head and retrieving the spoon from the floor. “Oh all the places…” he muttered in complaint.

Robbie’s eyes lit up. “Wait, so we can talk now!” he laughed excitedly. “And…and it’s instantaneous!”

“That we can,” Glanni said with a smile. He tapped the orb in the teen’s hands. “That’s a direct line to me. If you’re lonely, scared, happy, _bored_ , you can drop me a line and I’ll be right there on the other end.”

“Thanks, Glanni. This…this is great,” Robbie nearly whispered.

“Anything for my little Peppermint,” the fae said softly.

Hoping his cousin was open to affection, Glanni wrapped his arms carefully around the teenager’s shoulders. To his surprise, Robbie threw his arms around him as well, squeezing tightly as he buried his face in his cousin’s neck. The fae winced at the sudden painful sting where Robbie squeezed his hand into his back.

“Are you okay?” Robbie asked worriedly, pulling back immediately.

Glanni laughed weakly. “It’s nothing. Come here, Sweetie Pie,” he said, pulling the teen back in for another hug.

His wing, though currently hidden, still hurt from the piece that had been cut. He could pass it off as an injury from a fight with some other criminal later. Until then, he would just keep his wings in for the rest of his visit. They didn’t matter; only Robbie did.


	5. 20-35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's format was originally Sportscandycollective's idea and I love it! <3  
> If you're not reading their stuff, go show them some love!  
> \----  
> Hopefully I've made the layout decent enough that it's not horribly confusing to read. If you have any problems, let me know and I'll see if there's a better way I could arrange things.

 

> Haven’t heard from you in a while. You okay out there? –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _Just been busy, Cupcake. Is everything alright by you? –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> I’m fine. Is there anything I should be worried about? Your letters are usually longer than that. I hope you’re not doing anything too dangerous. Your room here is always open, you know. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _That was supposed to be_ your _room, Gummy Bear, and you know it. But thank you. I appreciate the offer, but I don’t want to drag you into my problems. I’ll be fine—I always am! I will visit as soon as I can. Love you, Candy Button. –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Just stay safe. And don’t do anything stupid. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _You’re a few years too late, darling. –Glanni_

 

* * *

 

> _How’s my Sugar Lump been lately? I saw this gorgeous pocket watch and thought of you. I hope you like it. I’ve been thinking about my little Jellybean a lot lately. I miss you ._
> 
> _I was hoping I might be able to visit soon, if you’re not too busy. I would love to catch up. It’s been far too long and I’m sure you must have plenty of new devices to show me! You know how I love hearing about them. Oh, and I haven’t gotten to make anything myself in so long! We should have a good old Stitch-n-Bitch! I would love to hear about everything you’ve been up to._
> 
> _Have you found any eye-candy to suck on lately? I love you, my little Cupcake. –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Okay. Glanni, what’s wrong? You only talk like that if something’s wrong. Please talk to me. I worry about you. What happened? Please come home. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _It was nothing, Sweetheart. Just a run-in with some assholes who thought they were hot shit. I’ll be fine. I just miss you sometimes. I forget what a handsome young man you’ve become—and not just because of the family resemblance! I still think of you as that little rugrat who used to beg me to paint his nails so we could look pretty together going out for pizza or those shitty sandwiches down the street. I miss that. –G_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Where are you? I want you to come home. Please. I need to see that you’re safe. We can go get pizza. Please, Glanni. How bad is it? – R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Glanni?? –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
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> _I’ll heal, Lollipop. I love you. –G_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Please tell me where you are. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Glanni, I’m scared. Please—where are you? –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _I’ll be home by morning. –G_

 

* * *

 

> Hi, Glanni. I just wanted to say hello and ask how you were. I hope you’ve been staying somewhere warm. If not, your room is still here. I haven’t even thrown any of my scraps in it! Please drop me a line when you have the time. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _I’m warm. Thank you for thinking of me, Cupcake. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, but I didn’t really know what to say in a letter. Things have been alright for me lately—uncharacteristically quiet, really—but they_ have _been a little confusing. It’s been a little lonely out here lately. I hope you’re faring well. –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> I’m alright. What’s been so confusing? I thought the Great Glanni Glaepur could figure out a solution to _every_ problem! I can agree on the lonely bit, though. All of the Christmas decorations around town haven’t been helping with that, I suppose. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _Don’t worry about it; just a bit of a confusing mess about a stupid man with a stupid hat who’s too stupid for his own good. It’s stupid._
> 
> _You wouldn’t happen to have a Christmas tree set up in that little lair of yours, would you? –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> I could get one. If there was a reason for me to have it. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _I think you should get one.Maybe by Friday. If that’s alright? –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Friday is perfect. –R

 

* * *

  

> _It was wonderful seeing you last weekend, Bubblegum! We need to do that more often! Your place could use a maid, though—it’s starting to look like_ I _live there, which is a standard you should_ not _be striving to achieve. I do have to reiterate one thing, though._
> 
> _You don’t want to hear it, I know, but I have to say it. You NEED to get laid. Or,_ at least _you need to get out more. I know I’m not there for you as much as I should be, or would like to, but I don’t want you wrapped up in my nonsense that I call a life. I can’t be the only person you talk to, Sweetheart. Go out, make a friend, have a couple one-night stands. You’re such a wonderful boy, Robbie, but you don’t let anyone_ see _it. –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> I like my solitude, thank you very much. Not all of us hump like jackrabbits, Glanni. I appreciate your concern, but I’m doing just fine. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _I’m taking you out drinking next Friday. Prepare something nice to wear—I have a reputation to uphold. –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Glanni, please. I don’t want to go pick up strangers at a bar. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _Club. And I never said you had to._ I _might, but that’s beside the point. I’m getting you out of the house, we’re going to have FUN, and it will be a wonderful night. You have no say in the matter. –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> You’re awful. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> I love you too, Sugar Cube. –Glanni

 

* * *

  

> I have some bad news. And I may need some advice. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _Who did it? I will chop off their balls and feed them to the bastard! –G_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Guess I finally found out how to get you to respond quickly. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _Har har. What’s wrong, my Cupcake? Do I need to punch any dicks for you? –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Remember that hero that came around when I was a kid? Well, another one’s shown up. And he’s even worse than the last one. I didn’t think they came in a bouncier variety than that! Boy was I wrong.  He’s a menace! –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _What color is he? –G_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> He’s like a giant blueberry. Why? What’s it matter what color he likes? –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _Just making conversation. So, what are you planning to do about him? I hope you’ve been staying out of trouble—heroes can be impossible to shake, let me tell you. With any luck, he’s just in town for a quick fix and he’ll be out of your gorgeous hair soon. –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you’re right. I may have to give him a _push_ to leave sooner rather than later. I can’t stand all the _noise!_ What is with these heroes and all the racket? –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _You’d be surprised how loud some heroes can really be, Cupcake. –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> I get the feeling there’s a story behind that line and I’m not sure I want to know about it. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _Or do you? –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Good-bye, Glanni. –R

 

* * *

  

> _I’m bored. How’s my little Candy Cane doing? I want an update. You never tell me anything! How are you? How’s Lazy Town? Did you make anything fun recently? Is that hero still giving you trouble or is he long gone? I love you, Sweetie! –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Hero is still around. I’m okay. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _That’s it? –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Mostly. I’ve been busy. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _I’d love to see you sometime, you know. We should do more together. –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Not here. The town’s been far too loud with all their silly celebrations over who knows what. Where are you these days? I could come to you. Things here have been a little crazy. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _You’re terrible at making excuses, Robbie. But, I won’t pry. I’ll let you know where to find me once I set something up._
> 
> _Okay, I’ll pry a little. This is about the hero, isn’t it? You know I can handle myself. It’s not like they can do anything to me if they don’t even know I’m there. –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _Robbie? He hasn’t hurt you, has he? Just say the word and I’ll rip his balls out through his throat, Snickerdoodle. –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Gods, Glanni, No! The hero and I have an understanding now. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea if you two meet. It’s a small town and I don’t want you two running into each other by accident. It might not end well. I’ll come to you. I don’t want you risking arrest just to see me. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _Fine. But if he ever tries anything, you tell me, Stickybun. Love you. See you soon. –Glanni_

 

* * *

 

> _Haven’t heard from you in a while, Sugar Stick. How have you been? I saw the cutest outfit the other day and was tempted to grab it, but I figured you could make something better anyway. On a related note, I hope you’re open to commissions because do I ever have some pictures to send you! We need to get together for a night out some time! –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> So, remember a little while back when I mentioned I might be seeing someone? –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _Oh, it sounds like it’s story time! Tell little Glanni all the details! Have you knocked them up? Have they knocked you up? Do tell! –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> Glanni, please. This is why I don’t write you more about this sort of thing. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _Okay, fine. What’s wrong, Sweet Cakes? You can tell me anything. If you need me to crush whatever genitals they have, just say the word. Writing this I realize just how little you’ve_ told me _about this special someone. Now I’m worried. Is everything going alright or is there trouble in paradise? –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> I’m honestly not sure. But I think I’m in trouble. –R
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> _What’s wrong, Robbie? –Glanni_
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> I think I’m in love. –R


	6. 39

Glanni stared up at the crack in the ceiling above him as he was cradled by the old, musty mattress below. It was the kind of bedding where the fae wouldn’t have been surprised if he felt something moving inside the thing. It was thankfully still at the moment. In the distance he could hear a train rumbling along. The sound was surprisingly soothing, though he couldn’t really figure out why. This place was a dump. No, that would be an insult to dumps. There wasn’t a _word_ for how gross this place was. Why on earth had he decided to spend the night in a place like this? Oh, right. Trying to hide from ĺÞró. How could he forget?

He sighed, studying how the crack overhead seemed to branch every three or four inches, like it was purposefully following the same pattern over and over and ripping itself a new one every time. He tried to focus on the potential sentience of cracks in shitty motel rooms, but kept finding his thoughts wandering back to the same things again and again. Kind of like the pattern in that stupid crack. Heh. He and the crack had something in common. Who would have thought?

Maybe Glanni needed to rethink his life choices. Clearly, _some_ sort of reflection was needed if he had ended up in a place like this. He had just woken up from a familiar dream, and he didn’t like that he had. It was a reoccurring dream, coming in bursts every few years…and apparently it was starting up again. He both loved and hated that dream: loved it when asleep, hated it once awake. And, goddamnit, he was too fucking awake right now.

Robbie was always still a child in that dream, just a short little Gumdrop who wanted to play and craft something out of spare parts to show Glanni so he would be proud. Sometimes in the dream Robbie would call him _Pabbi_ instead of Glanni. His chest hurt just thinking about it. They were always at some brightly painted little house in the country somewhere, right near the edge of brilliantly green forest with endless pastures on the opposite side. It was gorgeous. Sometimes the house would be pink, other times yellow or blue, but it was always so pretty, and always accented with the purest white, making the thing look almost like it was made out of Easter eggs.

The problem was, any chance of that blissful scene actually coming to fruition had long sailed. Robbie hadn’t even been a child in…decades, now. Yet, still the dreams remained unchanged, and they continued to visit him. And always when he was at his weakest. Except this time it was so much worse. Robbie and Glanni hadn’t been alone this time. Instead, there was a new yellow-clad edition to the idyllic scenery that made his chest ache so much that it brought him to tears.

Glanni rolled over on his side. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw.

He had screwed up everything in his life at every step along the way, hadn’t he? He must have; look at where he had spent the night. How Robbie had turned out so well was beyond him. At least Glanni had managed to do _one_ thing right in his life…and, at least, it had been the most important one. If only he hadn’t ruined the rest of it. Robbie had deserved more growing up. Glanni had done his best which, he had to admit, wasn’t _too_ bad considering he had literally been a child trying to raise a child. Things could have turned out far worse. But that didn’t stop him from wanting things to have been better. For both of them.

Yet, here he was hiding in a rats nest instead of trying to make things better. Though, really, who was he kidding? He had no idea how to make them better; he only knew how to keep going on the path he had always been on. He couldn’t divert his path as easily as that stupid crack in the ceiling; he didn’t know how to manage something like that. Especially not alone.

Glanni’s spiraling thoughts were interrupted by a soft popping sound somewhere near his ear. A piece of paper fluttered down to rest on his arm. The fae sat up with an aching groan to read the message. The letter was long, and that immediately set his nerves on end. Robbie tended to write fairly short, informal messages…unless something was wrong.

 

> Dear Glanni,
> 
> I’m sorry that I don’t write to you as much as I should. I’ve been a little preoccupied lately. I know I can be a little private about my life and I’m sorry about that. I never meant to drive you away, but I’m worried I have, at least a little. I’m sorry I’ve turned down so many opportunities to see you. It’s not that I don’t love you or miss you. I’ve just been scared, as silly as that might sound. But, well, I want to fix things, and I want to bring you back into my life in a big way, if you’ll have me.
> 
> You’ve always been there for me. You’re not so much my cousin, but somewhere between a big brother and a dad. You’re my family. And I would like my boyfriend to meet my family. You may have some reservations when you meet him, but I promise he’s a good man. And he makes me happy. Happier than I ever thought a relationship could, to be honest. I never pictured myself with someone like him in a million years, yet here I am.
> 
> But even more than that, I have an important question for you. I know this may be a little out of the blue, but I have a big favor to ask and I hope you’ll agree to it. I don’t just want you to meet my boyfriend. I was kind of hoping you might be the best man at our wedding. I kind of proposed to him last month. Yes— _I_ did it. Try not to have a heart attack.
> 
> But seriously, Glanni. I would be honored if you would be my best man. Outside of Sportacus (yes, he has a very stupid name. Get the laughter out now, please), you’re the most important person in my life. You’re my entire family. And I love you. Even if you are a total drama queen sometimes. I miss you. And I really hope I’ll get to see you at the wedding.
> 
> Forever your Cupcake,
> 
> Robbie

 

 

Glanni stared at the letter. He had to reread the second half at least three times before the news really sunk in for him.

“My Peppermint is getting married?” he whispered to the grimy motel room. A smile spread across his face. “My Peppermint is getting married!”

Glanni started laughing. He laughed until he cried, then he laughed until his sides screamed at him in elated agony. His little Robbie was getting _married_. And he wanted _Glanni_ to be his Best Man. After he was able to catch his breath, the fae found himself beginning to sob. His little Robbie was grown now. It was official. Yet somehow he was so happy.

His little Cupcake had found someone to share his life with and he was happy. That was all that mattered. He didn’t know who this Sportacus character was, but Glanni was glad that Robbie had found him, stupid name and all. Even if his little Sugar Stick seemed convinced they wouldn’t get along. He couldn’t wait to meet the man and thank him for pulling his little boy out of his shell.

Glanni conjured up a piece of paper, scrawling on it in frantic joy. _Of course_ he would be Robbie’s Best Man! He would be honored to be there for his little Robbie. He needed to know all of the details as soon as possible, but _first_ Glanni decided he needed to go out to celebrate.

He sent his letter, the paper disappearing in a swirl of mist.  Glanni jumped to his feet and started hunting for his boots. He needed to go out and get himself a new outfit. He was going to be busy celebrating such wonderful news for some time. To hell with how fucked up his own life was—his little boy was getting married to the man of his dreams! And Glanni couldn’t wait to meet him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this last chapter isn't too short for everyone.
> 
> But don't worry. Glanni shall return...eventually...I think I'm hitting writing burnout...oh gads...


End file.
